lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
