My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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