saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
