All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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