I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
