i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
