U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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