I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
