I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize