those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
