I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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