Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
