I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
