I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
