Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
