you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize