And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
