What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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