I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
