Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
