I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
