i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
