I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
