Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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