Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
