I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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