cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
