I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
