my shit smells like andre
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
