is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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