Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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