Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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