you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
