Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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