i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
