Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
