I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Enjoy the penises
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
