im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
