My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
