Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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