You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
whose parrot is this?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
