I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
