the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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