hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
