she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize