i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
