Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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