new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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