I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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