Kiss
Puke
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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