I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
