I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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