I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
