I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
