I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Moan for me like Helen Keller
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
