i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
