Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
