Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
