i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
