My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
