I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
