what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
