dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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