my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
