Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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