Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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