U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
