I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
