Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize