we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
