she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
