We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
