Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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