Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
