Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
