FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
