Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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