I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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