you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
